[Spoiler alert]
I just finished reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. I won't go into detail; the spoiler I'm going to share is that the protagonist, a middle-aged male writer, makes the mental observation about the title character, "Asperger's syndrome...or something like that. A talent for seeing patterns and understanding abstract reasoning where other people perceive only white noise." He reaches this conclusion after discovering that the girl, Lisbeth, has an eidetic memory and can almost immediately figure out any mechanical or technical system. A person with a lot of knowledge about ASDs can see a lot of typically ASD characteristics in Lisbeth's character, although she has other characteristics that contradict ASD symptoms. But since she's a fictional character, it's not really worth splitting hairs.
The thing on my mind this morning is another defining element of Lisbeth's character: she is the victim of horrific sexual abuse propogated by men in positions of direct legal power over her. And she does not report the crimes these men commit. Any humane reader will be disturbed by the situations, and the scenes in the book are brutal.
But I am additionally disturbed by the novel because I worry about my children, who cannot speak for themselves, falling prey to people like that, and the older they get, the more I worry. Even though I have total confidence in the people caring for them now, I won't always be able to control things. This local story, which was uncovered recently, really got under my skin, and I've been worrying more ever since I read it.
I wish I had an upbeat note with which to end this post, but I don't.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Life is funny
A few hours ago I had one of the worst experiences of my life, hands down. It's a nice day out today, so the kids were playing outside, and H. was taking his pull-up off as often as he could. Having gone through this before, I knew that eventually I would come outside to find him without pants and with feces all over his butt because he had defecated in his pull-up and then taken it off. And soon enough that's exactly what happened.
Usually, after I find the poop-filled discarded diaper, I lay H. down and clean off his butt with wipes, or attempt to clean him off while he is standing. And even when he's feeling silly and giggly, he allows me to clean him up.
Not today.
Today we had a knock-down drag-out wrestling match to get him to lay down in the grass so that I could clean his butt. I tried to sit on his torso to keep him still, a tactic I have used before, but today he wrenched himself loose several times. Eventually--and I don't know how else to put it--I had to attack him, throw him to the ground, and straddle him so that I could do something I do every day. Wipe shit off his ass.
Of course, he was terrified and screaming by the time we were finished. I told him, "I'm sorry that I scared you. And I'm sorry that I pushed you down and sat on you." After a pause, I said. "But I'm not sorry that I cleaned your bottom." He was OK after a few minutes and let me help him into a clean pull-up.
I went inside and changed my pants, because I was pretty sure I had gotten crap on them. I washed up, took some deep breaths, and decided we would run some errands that involved a lot of driving and not a lot of getting in and out of the car.
Once we got home, all of us were feeling a lot more calm. As I sat on the deck watching the kids, I thought to myself, "I would say I feel exhausted, but I feel like I have exhausted exhausted." Then I remembered the conversation Mike and I had last night after another insane dinner. "We handle this incredibly well," he said, and I agreed.
Just then I looked down at my foot, and I noticed this:
Yes, that's a big smear of shit on my ankle. I'd been walking around with it for hours. And that proves my point. It's also proves that life is funny.
Usually, after I find the poop-filled discarded diaper, I lay H. down and clean off his butt with wipes, or attempt to clean him off while he is standing. And even when he's feeling silly and giggly, he allows me to clean him up.
Not today.
Today we had a knock-down drag-out wrestling match to get him to lay down in the grass so that I could clean his butt. I tried to sit on his torso to keep him still, a tactic I have used before, but today he wrenched himself loose several times. Eventually--and I don't know how else to put it--I had to attack him, throw him to the ground, and straddle him so that I could do something I do every day. Wipe shit off his ass.
Of course, he was terrified and screaming by the time we were finished. I told him, "I'm sorry that I scared you. And I'm sorry that I pushed you down and sat on you." After a pause, I said. "But I'm not sorry that I cleaned your bottom." He was OK after a few minutes and let me help him into a clean pull-up.
I went inside and changed my pants, because I was pretty sure I had gotten crap on them. I washed up, took some deep breaths, and decided we would run some errands that involved a lot of driving and not a lot of getting in and out of the car.
Once we got home, all of us were feeling a lot more calm. As I sat on the deck watching the kids, I thought to myself, "I would say I feel exhausted, but I feel like I have exhausted exhausted." Then I remembered the conversation Mike and I had last night after another insane dinner. "We handle this incredibly well," he said, and I agreed.
Just then I looked down at my foot, and I noticed this:
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
First comes social, then comes language
If you haven't already watched this adorable video of two twin boys, go watch it now.
Now, if you thought, "Aww, that is so cute!" you would be absolutely justified. But this video offers some great insights into the social foundation upon which children build their language skills.
Words here? Just the syllable "da." Everything else, though, demonstrates the complex language skills these young boys have already acquired. It illustrates the point a speech pathologist once made during a seminar I attended--language is like a layer cake, and the foundations of those layers are social interactions.
The most basic layer is shared attention. You can see that the boys make eye contact with one another. Then there is social referencing. When one boy looks at the freezer, the other one follows his gaze to at the freezer too. They are conscious that the focus of the other's attention is significant, and so they turn their attention to that significant object. In addition, at about 1:30 one of the two boys turns to look at the person holding the camera, a sign that he wants to know whether that person's attention is on him and his brother.
They also react to one another's facial expressions. Although we can't see the facial expression of the boy whose back is to the camera, his brother laughs when he pauses, and smiles before returning the verbal exchange. They also use gestures, imitating one another.
Another thing to notice is the fundamental verbal communication skills they employ. Even though they only say "da," they do so with inflection. The boy whose back is to the camera raises the pitch of his last "da," suggesting an inquiry or at least an invitation to respond. In response, the other boy often shakes his head and waves his arm as if giving a negative to a question. Their turn-taking is also notable. Each one lets the other finish, which is why we can think of it as a "conversation," as the video title designates it.
If my analysis seems labored, forgive me. I go into all these details because I have never watched my children do this. These two baby boys are demonstrating sophisticated verbal skills that are commonplace among typical children, but not among developmentally delayed children. This beautiful interaction is more than cute--it is a marvelous gift.
(Thanks to Lynn Kilpatrick for sharing this link.)
Now, if you thought, "Aww, that is so cute!" you would be absolutely justified. But this video offers some great insights into the social foundation upon which children build their language skills.
Words here? Just the syllable "da." Everything else, though, demonstrates the complex language skills these young boys have already acquired. It illustrates the point a speech pathologist once made during a seminar I attended--language is like a layer cake, and the foundations of those layers are social interactions.
The most basic layer is shared attention. You can see that the boys make eye contact with one another. Then there is social referencing. When one boy looks at the freezer, the other one follows his gaze to at the freezer too. They are conscious that the focus of the other's attention is significant, and so they turn their attention to that significant object. In addition, at about 1:30 one of the two boys turns to look at the person holding the camera, a sign that he wants to know whether that person's attention is on him and his brother.
They also react to one another's facial expressions. Although we can't see the facial expression of the boy whose back is to the camera, his brother laughs when he pauses, and smiles before returning the verbal exchange. They also use gestures, imitating one another.
Another thing to notice is the fundamental verbal communication skills they employ. Even though they only say "da," they do so with inflection. The boy whose back is to the camera raises the pitch of his last "da," suggesting an inquiry or at least an invitation to respond. In response, the other boy often shakes his head and waves his arm as if giving a negative to a question. Their turn-taking is also notable. Each one lets the other finish, which is why we can think of it as a "conversation," as the video title designates it.
If my analysis seems labored, forgive me. I go into all these details because I have never watched my children do this. These two baby boys are demonstrating sophisticated verbal skills that are commonplace among typical children, but not among developmentally delayed children. This beautiful interaction is more than cute--it is a marvelous gift.
(Thanks to Lynn Kilpatrick for sharing this link.)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Spa Day
When you can swing a spa day, there is no downside. Well, that's not entirely true--it costs time. Time to do nothing. And there's money, if you're going to a spa. Lots of money, depending on what you do.
But today, I needed a spa day, because yesterday I spent three hours at the hospital with my daughter while she was having dental work done. (She's just fine, by the way. She now has a silver crown on one of her baby teeth and looks quite piratical if you look at her back teeth.) So I made it happen.
Since I can make time more easily than money, I did a home spa day. And since we now have a working jetted tub, a home spa day can be pretty nice. However, my home did not start out very spa-like today, so the first order of business was cleaning everything up, buying groceries (cucumbers, yogurt, salad, etc.), and setting up the "spa." The good thing is that spas always have lots of rooms with closed doors, so I could just close all the rooms that I didn't need to access.
I ended up spending about the same amount of time preparing the spa as I did enjoying it. "Mrs. Weber's Spa" only has one attendant, after all. DIY pedicures are never as good as professional ones (if only because of the positions you have to get in to reach your toes). On the plus side, I could wander around in booties, gloves, and towel (or less) without feeling at all awkward.
The moral of the story, I think, is that I needed to be my own attendant today. And as much as I enjoy being waited on by other people, waiting on myself is its own reward.
Well, spa day is over, and my house is a madhouse (albeit a cleaner madhouse) again.
But today, I needed a spa day, because yesterday I spent three hours at the hospital with my daughter while she was having dental work done. (She's just fine, by the way. She now has a silver crown on one of her baby teeth and looks quite piratical if you look at her back teeth.) So I made it happen.
Since I can make time more easily than money, I did a home spa day. And since we now have a working jetted tub, a home spa day can be pretty nice. However, my home did not start out very spa-like today, so the first order of business was cleaning everything up, buying groceries (cucumbers, yogurt, salad, etc.), and setting up the "spa." The good thing is that spas always have lots of rooms with closed doors, so I could just close all the rooms that I didn't need to access.
I ended up spending about the same amount of time preparing the spa as I did enjoying it. "Mrs. Weber's Spa" only has one attendant, after all. DIY pedicures are never as good as professional ones (if only because of the positions you have to get in to reach your toes). On the plus side, I could wander around in booties, gloves, and towel (or less) without feeling at all awkward.
The moral of the story, I think, is that I needed to be my own attendant today. And as much as I enjoy being waited on by other people, waiting on myself is its own reward.
Well, spa day is over, and my house is a madhouse (albeit a cleaner madhouse) again.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Spread the word to end the r-word
Today is an event to raise awareness of the r-word--retard--that people tend to use callously and unconsciously. I wince every time I hear someone say it, especially when kids say it. There are better words to use, words that don't hurt people with cognitive impairments and differences.
This website can tell you more.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
New year, new look
Decided to apply a new template for the blog. Maybe this will make me more inclined to post, the way that buying new workout clothes is supposed to make one more inclined to exercise. We shall see.
A post, a post!
January 2010--hard to believe we're already here. Once again, it has been six months since my last post, so the guilt finally caught up with me. I will post a highlights of 2009 letter within the week. For tonight, let me just say that I am very happy that today was the last day of Christmas break, and big H goes back to school tomorrow. Taking care of my two kids makes paid work look like a walk in the park. Which is one of the big reasons I still work, albeit only about 10 hours each week.
Everybody have a great week. More soon.
Everybody have a great week. More soon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)